Qopster's Exorcism
by blaiseingfire
Summary: (made to help cheer up a depressed friend) When my dear friend, Qopster, gets possessed by a demon, it's up to his friend, his OC from his fanfic, and the RWBY gang to save him with an exorcism. God help him. Crack fic.


**A/N:** _What is this fic and why does it exist?_

 _Qopster is a friend of mine on this site. We beta read for each other and he's an awesome guy (his story is called 'Salem's Child'and it's cool, check it out). However, recently he went through faze of 'I don't wanna read or write anything' thing. I joked how he probably got possessed by a demon and it's making him like this, which inspired me to write this and cheer him up. And now I want to share it with you guys._

 _May contain minor spoilers for his and my fics._ _This may have been inspired by the boondocks._

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"Thank you for coming." Blaiseingfire said to Cass, Velvet, Zwei, and Teams RWBY, JNPR, and CRDL. "I've called you guys here today to talk about Qopster."

"Ooh, is this about why he hasn't updated my story yet?" Cass questioned. "I wanna find out what I do to those cultists, and uh… spend more time with bun-buns." Cass blushed as Velvet pecked her on her cheek.

"Or is this about why he hasn't beta read your stories?" Ruby questioned.

"Yeah," Jaune agreed. "Just as the story where I kick all of your butts was getting good."

"Don't you also mean the OTHER story of yours, eh witch conqueror~?" Yang teased. Jaune blushed heavily and turned away from Yang.

"Yes." Blaiseingfire said gaining everyone's attention. "I believe Qopster got possessed by an evil spirit. A spirit that hates literature and everything to do with it. And it has taken away his will to read and write." Everyone took on the face of horror at what he just said. Zwei whimpered. Blake fainted at just the thought of such an evil.

"HE'S WHAT?!" They all shouted. Zwei started to lick and tap his paw on Blake's face to wake her up.

"But then that means no more Salem's Child." Cass shivered while Velvet cried into her shirt. They very thought of her own story getting canceled shook her very core.

"And my dreams of getting with Goodwitch and finally being cool, ruined!" Jaune weeped into Pyrrha's shoulder while she patted his back.

"And my dream of getting the whole school to gang up on-" Cardin cried when his mouth was covered by Nora's hand.

"SPOILERS!" She shouted angrily.

"So what do we do?" Weiss asked

"Well first of all, Jaune, that fluffy lemon story of you and Glynda is already posted." Blaiseingfire stated. Jaune sighed in partial relief. Cass and Yang glanced at Pyrrha's scroll as she checked online to try and find the story. "Secondly, what we do is simple. We perform an act of exorcism and free his soul!" He raised his fist in the air.

"YEAH!" Everyone shouted as they raised their fists in determination as well. Except for Blake because she was still passed out, and covered in dog saliva.

"But first, we need to get some supplies. Follow me."

 _ **Later**_

It was a dark and cold night as our 16 heros stood behind a wall outside of Qopster's single story house. They were illuminated by a flickering lamppost.

"That's a very wide lamppost if it can illuminate all of us side-by-side." Nora pointed out.

"So it is." Ren agreed.

"Alright enough lollygagging. Let's go." Blaiseingfire said as he lead the group over the wall and into Qopster's home. They snuck inside and stood outside of his bedroom door. Cass knocked 3 times on the door. Seconds later Qopster came and opened it.

"Get him!" Blaiseingfire commanded and they all, sans Blake, charged in, tackling Qopster. "Pin him on the bed!"

"Kinky!" Cass shouted

"Shut up Cass! Not the time for this!" Dove shouted.

While they were struggling against the possessed Qopster, Blake was outside in the hallway, collapsed on the floor, leaning against the wall. She was hyperventilating and tears poured from her eyes. She was scared. An evil spirit that took away your will to read and write. How could she face something so horrifying?

"Arf!" Blake looked up to see Zwei standing in front of her. He gently put a paw on her knee. His eyes held a look that said 'Don't worry, we got this. You'll be fine, just be brave.' After a moment, Blake wiped her eyes, clenched her fists, and stood up.

"Thank you Zwei." she thanked the dog. She then walked into the bedroom to see a horrifying sight. Qopster had glowing hieroglyphics covering his exposed skin and his eyes held a demonic glow. Pyrrha used her semblance to restrain him to his bed. Random objects from the room floated and spun around the room in a circle. CRDL struggled to keep the bed from floating away as it shook violently. Everyone else gathered around Blaiseingfire.

"By the power invested in me by Monty Oum, I command this ill gotten evil spirit to be gone!" He shouted.

" _ **Bwahahaha!**_ " the possessed Qopster laughed in a demonic, echoey voice. " _ **Is that honestly the best you can do?**_ "

"Hehehe, oh no good sir, that is just the tip of this iceberg." Blaiseingfire responded. "Cass, if you may." He gestured towards her than at Qopster. She grinned and jumped on top of Qopster, straddling him (making Velvet blush in jealousy). She then took a book from out of nowhere and opened it.

" **READ NIGGA, READ!** " Cass shouted as she shoved the open book in Qopster's face.

" _ **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! RAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH**_ " the possessed Qopster shouted as he struggled against his restraints. The bed shook more violently, CRDL and Pyrrha gave it their all to keep it in place, Sky Lark moved up to hold Qopster's eyes open. Everyone else, except Zwei, pulled out a book, opened it, and moved in place. No matter where Qopster looked, he was looking at a book.

"Uh Cass, he's white." Cardin said raising a finger.

"Cardin, please don't argue with the faunus/grimm hybrid." Ren pleaded

" **READ! READ! READ!** " Cass yelled, each time slamming the book in Qopster's face.

" **Books are for nerds!** " the demon within Qopster shouted, sending a shiver down Blake's spine.

"Cass stop!" Blaiseingfire commanded. Cass obliged. "You're doing it wrong." He walked up to her. "You're suppose to say: 'read a book you filthy peasant.'" Blaiseingfire said while adjusting his glasses.

"Oh ok, thanks."Cass cleared her throat. " **READ A BOOK YA FILTHY PEASANT!** " she hollered and slammed the book back in Qopster's face.

Everyone else so adopted this tactic. Soon, everyone was hitting the possessed Qopster with a book while chanting 'READ A BOOK YA FILTHY PEASANT', while the demon screamed and yelled in pain. Except for Zwei who just barked and the possessed soul. Blake did it with her eyes closed, holding back tears as she was not yet brave enough to look at the pure evil.

Several minutes of this has passed, until...

" **RAWR!** " the possessed Qopster yelled as the glow in his eyes intensified. A ghostly spirit soon formed from his eyes. " **You know what, fine! You can have him!** " The demon in ghost form said as he flew away through the window and off into the night.

"Did we win?" Pyrrha asked as everyone looked back at the now unconscious Qopster while he muttered in his unconscious sleep.

"Well, the bed and everything else in the room isn't flying everywhere and he isn't covered in demonic hieroglyphics." Cass said as she got of of Qopster's body. Everyone sighed in relief, especially Blake who felt the most happy at conquering the great evil.

 _ **Later**_

"I still can't believe that worked" Ren asked while the group walked in the hallway towards their dorm rooms. "All I feel like we did was yell at Qopster and smack him with books."

"AND HE DESERVED IT!" Cass retorted. "That's what he gets for making me hurt Velvet." she muttered.

"According to the exorcist book, we have to wait a few days to see if the demon comes back." Blaiseingfire said. "If nothing changes than we're good, but if he comes back we will only need one book and the rest of us can hit him with anything, like a stick or something."

"BEAT IT WITH A STICK!" Nora shouted with glee.

"Ren control your psycho friend please." Blaiseingfire facepalmed. "Anyway, I'm out. Peace out." Blaiseingfire walked away.

"Peace." Everyone else said as they walked back to their respective dorms.

In team RWBY's dorm, the girls hopped into their respective bunks, ready to call it a night. None of them bothered to change out of their combat gear, they were too tired to care. Weiss was about to close her eyes when she noticed something.

"Blake, you dropped your book." Weiss pointed to the open book on the floor. "And Zwei is lying on your stomach."

"Meh, I'll get it later." Blake said while closing her eyes and wrapping her hands around Zwei. In all honesty, after today's events she has had enough books for one day, and she saw Zwei in a new light after helping them defeat the horrible, evil demon. Unfortunately, not everyone saw it that way.

"Wait a minute..." Weiss started.

"Blake doesn't want to read..." Yang continued.

"And is now friends with Zwei?!" Ruby finished.

"But that's impossible!" Weiss stated in horror. "Unless-" She was interrupted as Blaiseingfire, Cass, Velvet, and teams JNPR and CRDL burst into the room.

"The demon possessed Blake!" Blaiseingfire exclaimed. "Get her!"

"EEEP!"

 **End**

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 **A/N:** _So yeah, this was a fun little thing to work on. I'm glad Qopster liked and I hope you did too._

 _Have a pleasant day._


End file.
